.

tat tiny hands r nt for mi to hold anymore..

bro, u cant c ur so-called-pretty-AMELIA anymore.
sis, i'll nt ask u go mel hse slp anymore.
mum, i'll nt complain to u tat AMELIA is fat anymore.


nw i reali understands hw heartbreaking feels lk.
jus lk asthma,
breathing difficulty,
so breathless.
it's far too pain..
too much for mi to tk it.
jus de thought of both of u makes mi wana faint.

it had been 2yrs..
2 freaking yrs althou in between dere's on n off.
but it's still 2yrs of feeling!
frm de day i've feeling for u till nw.
hw can i feel nth for it?

frm de day i started wooing u,
im de one cryin.
wen we're tog,
ur de one cryin.
nw im payin u bac hw much u had cried for mi.

went bac to de stone thingy dere jus nw cos i rem writin smth on it,
but i was oready covered wif stupid grasses.
cactus is dying,
sai is dying,
so do our love.

other than my family,
ur de onli one im so serious abt.
ya i admit i took ur love for granted.
everybody tinks tat im tryin to play hard to get.
but i swear im nt.
everybody says im at fot to neglect u den she's by ur side lookin after u.
but wait,
did u tell mi tat u nid mi?
is a msg or a call so difficult?
if u say u nid mi,
i'll be dere for u but u didnt.
do u noe y i alwaz quarrel wif u?
do u noe wat causes it?
cos im jus worried abt u.
but did u understand?
u don understand everything tat i do.
u'll onli tink tat im picking on ur frens.
i tot we can wait for de time to come but it's too late nw.
i din noe each day makes such a big diff.
maybe i din express my feelings clear enuff to u.
i kp everything to myself n expect tat u'll noe it but u don.
i noe i'd alwaz been selfish to u.
but these 2yrs,
i'd been true.
althou i betrayed u once n i reali regretted it,
but i din forget abt u durin tat time at all.

maybe u tinks tat i don care abt u all these while,
it jus tat i don say n i din make any effort abt it.
every songs i put in my blog is for u but do u noe?

maybe all these things i wrote nw pple will noe tink im tryin to seek sympathy.
but i jus wana sae everything out n clear.
at least i wont regret keepin anything to myself.

althou i kp sayin u naive,
but i tink im de one hu is naive.
cos we gt same moles on same spots,
everytime i'll feel unwell or sick wen quarrelin wif u,
all these things alwaz made mi feel tat ur de one n no one else.
at least for my 18yrs of life,
ur de love of my life.

everytime i said i wana let go,
i din succeed in de end but ended up cos of someone elses,
i've to force myself to let go.
thou i alwaz sae i wanted someone hu treat mi lk a kid n understands mi well enuff,
althou i alwaz sae ur nt,
but i still love u so.
cos u've been in my life for so long.
other than my family,
ur de onli one i can turn to.
but ur no longer mine.
everytime im jus waitin for u to initiate to contact mi,
but u didnt n i knew tat ur no longer mine anymore.
for all these times,
i noe u'll be dere for mi.
but nw u don.
my life is indeed meaningless.
i tried to be strong.
i hold bac my tears.
i'd back out.
cos i jus wan u to be happier.
if bein wif her can makes u feel happier,
i'll nt hang on to u anymore.
whether im stupid or wat,
i guess dere's no point.
if nt i gonna grab ur leg n beg u to come bac to mi??
even if ur bac,
ur heart is nt wif mi.

today is my sis n her bf 5th yr anni..
but it's de end of my "2yrs"
life is so unfair..


i've cried all tears out of mi.
i tot tat last hug will be easy to end everything.
but it seems to be tat difficult n i din noe dere's still excess tears in mi.
stupid carsick makes mi mre giddy n even legs r trembling.
i guess todae gonna be my smallest appetite!!
onli drank lots of water n ate a piece of long john chic.
smell of food jiu feel lk puking.
first time hate long john so much sia.

but pls rem these...
don drink too much, ur still underage.
don kp fallin while playin ball, ur knees r nt made of metal.
don be so stubborn everytime.
don alwaz moodswing.
don spend money lk water.
don alwaz kena bully by pple in ur workplace.
althou u've enuff fats to kp u warm, pls noe hw to tk care of urself.


tis post gonna be de last time im writin abt us.
don worry i'll nt smoke or drink.
i'll eat till bai bai pang pang.
my life still carry on without u.

ni zhen de yao kuai le,
yao xing fu.


if i reali die in bangkok,
i will fly bac to be ur guardian angel.

yest 6plus in de mornin den slp.

slp for a few hrs woke up n went to work cos cant get to slp anymore.

even b4 u replied mi,

i've been ownself imagine n tearing lk hell.

but at least ur frank to mi.

im strong enuff to hold bac my tears.

until yujin n hazel suddenly pop out frm nowhere n ask y i cry,

duno y suddenly all tears ooz out lk tap.

my eyes r small enuff.

den hazel still ask izit still de same gal -.-

cos it's nt de first time she saw mi cryin -.-

tink todae is de bored-est day for sharon to work wif mi.

cos i've been doin nth but stoning n left all work for her.

im so tired.

after work mit peiwen cos she wanted to buy workin clothes.

she tinks a bot of candy jiu can heal my wound.

tot she suppose to make mi feel beta but end up still hai mi walk so much wen im so tired. tsk

tml havin friendly at our court in de evenin.

i don wana play at all.

i don feel lk doin anything.

so redundant.

can i beg u to come bac pls.

i don wana go bangkok anymore.

i donwan anybody else.

i jus wan u.

i don expect u to be out of my life.

do u noe hw much u meant to mi??

i seriously wana grow old wif u.

dere's so much things tat i've nt do it wif u.

im alwaz waitin for tat day.

but nw, i don even haf de chance to.